Without You
OA is David Guetta ft. Usher. This is the sequel to Perfect(Songfic). Enjoy! 300px|right|Possibly the coolest lyrics vid I've ever seen. Without You I can't win, I can't reign '' :I stare out over my home, a place that once held meaning. But how am I supposed to be a good deputy when I simply don't care about living anymore? ''I will never win this game :I kept my promise though. I don't allow myself to slip back into the old me, the nervous wimpy she-cat who never thought she could be anything better. I hate myself, but not in that way. I don't think I can get any worse, but it's different now. :I am not perfect. But I am not the same. I am just....lost. Without you! Without you! I am lost, I am vain :I know it's selfish. To wallow in regret and ignore the needs of my Clan is wrong. And to taint his memory by allowing myself to mope is almost worse. I allow my self to be petty, telling myself: Tomorrow I'll do something, tomorrow, tomorrow... I will never be the same Without you, without you. :I will not be the carefree young she-cat you turned me into. :I will not be the shy loser I once was. :I will be a closed off creature, a destructive energy who kills herself by remembering. I won't run, I won't fly I will never make it by Without you, without you. :I will remember the lovely days spent on grassy hillsides and cool nights spent in meadows filled with Fireflies. I will remember standing at the top of the tallest hill and wondering if this was what it was like to fly. :I will remember it all. :Without you. I can't rest, I can't fight :Can't sleep. Can't even bear to ask to be put on the patrol to ShadowClan. I don't want to fight anymore. Fighting would just mean me hurting more cats. More cats who have families and hopes and dreams... :I talked about it with Flowerthorn, the one cat I feel like can relate to me. She lost her mate to a fox attack. But she didn't kill him like I killed Sunheart. :"I should hate them," I whisper, "I should want to make them pay." :"You've seen what it does," she meows, her golden eyes shining sadly, "You've seen the terrible things battle can do and you can't bear to fight anymore." :I nod and return to my den for another sleepless night. All I need is you and I :Berryspot visits frequently, bringing herbs she thinks will help me. I don't know what she's trying to help me with. My lack of sleep? My aching heart? She hasn't found a herb yet. :I don't need a herb. I need Sunheart. Without you. Can't erase so I'll take the blame :I wake up one morning, take a breath and resolve to try and be better today. Eat a squirrel, maybe go on patrol. :I can't erase what happened. So I have to try. :For Sunheart. But I can't accept that we're estranged. Without you, without you... :But it's hard. After a moon of not caring, I've forgotten how to live. The sun is too bright. Camp is too loud. When the others on my hunting patrol start running, I stumble clumsily. :When we return, I proudly deposit my sickly thrush on the pile, proud that I caught it. It takes a lot of strength for a half dead cat to catch a half dead thrush. :Since I've been out of it, Thrushpelt volunteered to act as leader. Everyone expected him to be appointed deputy, but I was chosen instead. He's one of the senior warriors and understanding as to why I can't do it, can't make another decision to send cats to their death. :He pads over to me, tipping his head, "Brookstone, you look better." :"I feel better," I lie. Although the run in the forest has made me feel a little better. :He nods and murmurs, "I don't want to be blunt, but I need you to make a decision. Do you want to be leader?" :I've known the answer in my heart this whole time. I do. But I can't. I start to nod, then shake my head then stop. Thrushpelt must see my anguish. :"Would it be alright," he meows slowly, "If I became leader and you stayed deputy?" I can't quit, this can't be right! :I sigh, then surprise myself, "Be leader Thrushpelt. You'll do great. But I'm not being deputy. Not again." I know it doesn't really make sense, but Thrushpelt gets it. He does, I can see it in his eyes. And I know he'll take care of the Clan. :I know Sunheart would be disappointed. And I am too. But I can't do it. I can't take one more sleepless night Without you! Without you! :I don't even bother going to the den tonight. I know I'll probably get up later, so why should I go when I could be hunting? :Although I'll probably just scare off all the prey. But it's the thought that counts. I won't soar, I won't climb' If you're not here I'm paralyzed :I climb to the top of the hill, looking out over the lake. The moon is high above me in the sky. Maybe if Sunheart was still alive I would be here, feeling powerful, Brookstar, the leader of ThunderClan. With a mate. :Now I stand here, just plain old Brookstone. :Nobody. Without you, without you! I can't look, I'm so blind! :I blink sleepily and look at the sun, then blink again in surprise. I slept. I slept! Did I just get so tired that I....? Urgh, I don't care. But the others will and they might be looking for me. :I race back to ThunderClan camp, not noticing the squirrels scattering in my wake. I lost my heart, I lost my mind :I lost even more then Sunheart when he died. I lost myself. I lost my Clan. I lost everything. But now I think I'm starting to find it again. Without you... Without you! :I race back into camp, panting. Thrushpelt, Flowerthorn, and Berryspot all rush towards me, eyes wide with relief. :I"I thought you'd run away!" Thrushpelt meows, not really a question but asking for an answer. :"I came back," I meow simply. You! You! You! Without :Thrushpelt smiles, "Glad," he meows. Flowerthorn nudges me affectionately and Berryspot rolls her eyes teasingly. You! You! You! Without you.. :Thrushpelt begins to walk away and I make a decision, "Thrushpelt?" :He turns, a faint smile. :"I want to be deputy." :He grins, really this time, "Thought so." :He turns and walks away and I smile to myself. I am lost. :I'm not happy. I am vain. :You died and I just go on with life. I will never bee the same... :And I know that's what you want. Without you....Without you... :But I'll never forget. ''Without you. '' Category:Songfic Category:Artimas Hunter's Fanfics